Stillness

The tiresome murmur of the ceiling fan makes me sigh. Exhaling out the cloud of used air, I wonder how it is to stop... to halt... forever.

What is it like being objects? Not the human version, I'm aware regarding them. After all, being a female gives you the experience well and good. I question the objects that do not perform any living essentialities but merely exist in the absence of certain prerequisites or efforts.

As an infant, we humans learn to walk and talk - growing up then on, we learn to act and repeat. Reaching pre-adulthood, we are forced to be decisive and aware. Due to lack of first hand encountering, I am unenlightened but from what I can perceive - adulthood gets us to grow and build and eventually fall into a regime of all the prior mentioned learnings which would lead us to the ultimate objective of starting a life...  finishing it. Constant vigorous endeavours and for what? A full stop after several decades of life? When are we taught to listen? To stop? To step back? To do all such things for our own benefit? Forget about someone else but when have we ourselves told us that.

It would be a beautiful sight to see. When one day I wake up because I want to, not because I have to. As beautiful as it would be, it would be a greater force of pleasure to feel. When I won't require a desire to drag me awake other than the will to flow and flower. For a strange reason, as I sit here in the darkness of the evening, it seems imaginable that there will be a day of such sort. I believe it already lives, awaiting for its partner.

A cool breeze of thoughts brushes past my eyes and I blink away the travellers of the misty train of ideas. Bidding goodbye to the minions of gale, I wonder what it is to be like them. Giving up the prestige of stillness must be a sacrifice with magnificent gain. Personally I wouldn't even consider the choice of handing over my freedom of stillness. It is the power of the plausible absence of pressure which drives me to get to the light at the end of the tunnel no matter what and when the crisis arises.

The knowing of the fact that I'll be allowed to breathe followed by moments of stillness keeps me alive.